She'll Steal Your Gold!
by word.whisperings
Summary: How did Santana convince Sam that Rachel was a leprechaun? One shot. Rated T for minor adult themes and mild coarse language.


"Hi Sam! Hi Santana!" Rachel chirped as she saw the new couple pass her locker. She had paused in the middle of a word on her to-do list and beamed at her fellow glee clubbers. Sam stopped by her intrigued by what she was writing.

"Hey Rachel," he grinned ignoring Santana's tugging on his arm, "what are you writing?"

"Oh you know, just some of the songs I want to – "

"Sam! Vayamos! Ahora!" the Latina interrupted. Rachel gasped theatrically at the interruption to her well-planned monologue that Sam had been lucky enough to initiate, but Santana rolled her eyes and pulled her boyfriend down the hallway. Sam followed confused wondering just what she had said to him. Damn, he needed to start paying attention in Spanish class. Santana's heels clacked down the hallway as Sam jogged to keep up with her. Her grip on his wrist hadn't loosened, and he knew something was wrong because Quinn (ugh, Quinn!) had done the exact same thing on a daily basis when she was upset. Do all girls do this? He wondered as Santana pulled him into the choir room and closed the door.

"Leave!" she yelled at Finn and the cute Jazz ensemble guitarist whom she had hooked up with intermittently since joining New Directions. She couldn't remember his name, but damn if he wasn't an amazing kisser. If only he were a jock… She shook her head clear of their last make out session and glared at them again. Finn was babbling some protest about practicing and this being a free space, and Sam was giving her the "are you serious look?" but she stood her ground. "Lah-eave! Now! I gotsta discuss something important with my boyfriend!" Finn shrugged his shoulders realizing that fighting would only lead to unnecessary drama and left with the guitarist. Santana watched them both leave. Correction. She watched both of their asses leave. Something Sam didn't fail to notice. He coughed.

"So are you going to fill me in? Why couldn't I talk to Rachel?" Santana sighed and sat down patting the chair next to her. He obliged but kept his body stiff. She wasn't going to sweet talk her way out of this one. He didn't like being controlled without a reason. Where he came from you kept your word and you were nice to everyone. He was still the new kid. He couldn't afford to make too many unnecessary enemies.

"Rachel's a leprechaun," Santana began. Sam looked at her in disbelief. "I'm serious. She claims that her two gay dads mixed their sperm with Shelby Cochran's eggs so she doesn't know who her real father is. But I've met Ms. Cochran and her dads. None of them are that short which only leaves on logical explanation."

"There was a recessive gene in one of their DNA's that caused shortness, or she hasn't hit her final growth spurt yet?" Sam asked feeling proud of the information he retained from Biology when Quinn was his study buddy.

"What?" Santana paused incredulously. "No! A leprechaun family kidnapped the real Rachel Berry from her mother's womb and replaced her with one of their own because they have special powers to foresee the future and didn't want someone as annoying and mannish as her to one day rule their realm. Unfortunately, they now have a tall girl who will become dictator, but it's better than the short Rachel Berry singing at them and making them dance for her amusement."

As Sam's face melted from disbelief to total understanding to pity for the leprechauns, Santana inwardly smiled at her ability to convince boys (and some girls) of anything. "But there's a few things I still don't understand," Sam started trying to work out all the information in his head. "Rachel's Jewish. She has the Jewish nose. Aren't leprechauns like Irish and Catholic?" Santana sighed. She knew that dating a sci-fi/fantasy nerd would have its drawbacks such as him knowing more about leprechauns than Brittany did. Sam however took her sigh as her way of saying, as she often did, Sam you idiot!

"Well, they couldn't just let a soulless ginger baby pop out of Shelby Cochran's stomach so they had to make her look somewhat convincing and give her her mother's features. She does still have the leprechaun mark on her. Only a few people can really tell it's there though. I only did when we had to share a dressing room for Sectionals last year and noticed the odd shape on her lower back…" Santana reflected briefly on that memory and mentally smacked herself for thinking of Rachel that way. "Anyway, I could only tell what it was because my cousin's best friend's sister's daughter's fiancée is a leprechaun-human relations expert."

Sam took a moment to process that knowledge and gazed at his girlfriend with new respect. _She may hate when I speak Na'vi, but she's so much cooler than any girls I've met, let alone dated_, he mused. "But I still have one last question," he asked looking her dead in the eye totally concerned.

"Of course," she smiled leaning into him and placing her hands on his leg as Quinn passed outside the choir room. The blonde rolled her eyes and stopped to talk to Brittany. Glee rehearsal was about to start.

"Why can't I talk to Rachel?" he asked leaning in close to her. She sighed and leaned back.

"Because she'll steal your gold!" she said exasperated.

"Oh yeah…" Sam smiled grateful to have a girlfriend who both let him touch her boobs and protected him from mythical creatures. He put his arm around her as the rest of the New Directions filed in to start rehearsal.

* * *

><p><strong>Brief Author's Note: This is my first Glee fic. I don't own anything, obviously. It was just an idea that was floating in my head since Sam and Rachel's "leprechaun" interaction. I hope you enjoyed it! - EmKay<strong>


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